Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Kirkcaldy Kanka's horse encounters

Kirkcaldy Kanka Martyn is clearing suffering from Ankaragucu-withdrawal. He has been trying to treat this terrible condition by heading off to matches in Liverpool but somehow I don't think it is working. Kirkaldy Kanka takes over:

I went with Sinead to Everton v Wigan. As we arrived at the stadium we stood watching a police horse trotting in the middle of a narrow side road. We were transfixed as we hadn't seen a horse at a match in a while. Not sure Sinead ever had.

We were slightly on the road ourselves when I noticed the horse shitting. And not normal shit, like very milky weetabix. I pulled Sinead onto the pavement, obviously in the belief that if a pedestrian is on the pavement, he is safe. There was a man selling raffle tickets ahead of the horse in the middle of the road. He was wearing a nice pair of cream trousers. We noticed the horse shit rebound off the road and spray on the man's trousers. The man swore in disbelief at the horse. The horse was unaffected by this and continued to relieve itself.

Myself and Sinead were laughing at this unfortunate man, when I noticed Sinead's jeans had an interesting pattern on them. When I pointed this out it was her turn to give the horse abuse. I was still laughing when I looked at my own jeans.

'Ya dirty big bok horse!'

Still had to laugh though. My jeans were not too bad, Sinead's were worse. The other guy was a mess, and it really served him right for wearing cream trousers.

We sat way back in the old stand for the game. Probably just as well considering the fumes we were unleashing. 2-2. Good game. We were impressed with Andrew Johnson.

I went back last weekend to watch Everton v Manchester City. This time I had a good seat behind the goals. The stadium is impressive. Inside the stand they actually serve beer before kick off and at half time. You can't take it to your seat, but it is an improvement from sunflower seeds. There are video screens showing previous games both in the corners of the stadium and inside the stands.

Quite a good game this one. Everton scored on the stroke of half-time and looked to be heading for a victory. In the 93rd minute however, City equalised. 1-1. Can't say I was upset. All the more exciting really. I'm at that stage of not really caring about the result, just wanting to see things happen. And I certainly saw something different next.

After the game the City keeper and Joey Barton went to the away fans. Barton is hated by Everton fans. He's actualy from Huyton in Liverpool. He punched an Everton fan in Thailand on an away tour with City, and was sent home. His step brother was charged with murder. The Everton fans had reminded him of this during the game. At the end he gave his shirt to a disabled City fan. Then he walked past our stand and mouthed off at the Everton fans, who were mouthing off at him. Barton then dropped his shorts and flashed his ass at us.

As I left the stadium I passed some Everton supporters who were complaining about this to the police. Barton will find out today if he will be charged by the police or suspended by the FA. The media seem to be making light of the incident.

Another thing I should mention is the Galatasaray Liverpool game. Since I live less than 1 minute walk from Anfield, I was hoping to get tickets. But Anfield is always sold out. I must look for ticket touts.

It is a terrible feeling to hear all the noise of a match inside your own house, and not be able to go. Even more so on this day. From the afternoon I could hear Turkish football chants. Since these rarely change much, I recognised all of them. And it hit my old heart. Everywhere in the house I could not escape them. It was in my toilet that I decided that enough was enough.

For the Kankas I was setting out in full Maniac Kanka sponsered Ankaragucu gear. I walked around the stadium getting funny looks from Liverpool fans. Then I saw a group of Turks heading to a kebap shop. They never looked at me. A part of me felt relieved, what was I doing? And then ahead I saw the travelling suport. Maybe 100 of them dressed in Galatastaray gear. For Gucu, I decided to walk right through them and their drums. They looked me up and down, and parted to let me through. The songs stopped, and I was allowed to pass. Most were dressed in Galatasaray gear, but a couple had Fenerbahce tops and one had a Malatyaspor top on. It was also red and yellow stripes.

I knew when I saw the Fener tops that I was safe. Many of those supporters were no doubt living in England. That would explain the lack of diverse songs. I got a few funny looks as I walked up the street in my gear, and even more ones as I opened my front door. An Ankaragucu fan, living in Anfield road?! Some Turks shouted at me before I pulled the door shut, 'Ankaragucu mu?' I turned and sang at them. 'En buyuk baskent!' Amoung other things. They smiled and gave me the thumbs up. They had seen something they never expected to see on Anfield Road, I had been reminded of something I missed.

PHOTOCAPTIONS: The picture of the statue is from Manchester Town Hall. The other photo is of my nephew Paul who went to the Battle of Kayseri. This is him at Raith Rovers in the League Cup 2-1 defeat to Airdrie United.


  1. Great story from Kirkcaldy Kanka and perhaps one for `The Best of the Blog` archive ?!

    We have mounted police here in Ankara (the 1st City of Turkey)too. However, our horses are well trained.

    The Police only bring them out when we play Galata..spit...saray and always position them at the `away` end to do `their business` on the unsuspecting CimBom supporters heh heh heh ho ho ho !!

  2. that is such second rate behavior....but appropriate for the second city

  3. was doing a search on the blogger site and came across this one A good story fromt he Kirkcaldy Kanka.

    Although I know if I was there when he waked through the Turkish fans we would av had a rumble.

    I have been trying to get my hands on some Ankaragucu gear but noone sells it.

    I also mentioned to some other Kirkcaldy boys we should start a Raith Rovers Firm but noone was up for it.

    I have never been to Turkey and never even seen an AnkaraGucu game on tv. But because of all I have heard fromthe KDY Kanka I feel like one of you. If I ever did show up at a game you would no doubt be writting stories for a long time to come about the day the Devil showed up.

  4. If you are anything like our own Kirkcaldy Kanka then you will be welcome here Devil Kanka !!!

    Kirkcaldy boys are well known in Ankara and that is why they support ANKARAGUCU !!!

    Come to Ankara and check us out if you dare !!!

  5. If am anything like Kirkcaldy Kanka ? Believe me.... I'm a lot worse.

    Tell me eski kanka Jim what does the word "Kanka" mean ? My Turkish is a little rusty ! Does it mean blood ??

    If so I like it.

  6. Yes, Devil Kanka you are almost there.

    Kanka means Blood Brother for a guy and Kankie is Blood Sister for a babe.

    If you ever venture into Ankara and join us then you will have to attend a ritual ceremoney where we will cut your wrist and see the colour of your blood. If it is RED then you can join us, but if not...... could be nasty for you !!

    Are you man enough to come here ??!!

  7. Yeah mate am wel up for it. Thats nothing wee cut on the wrist. Do you do it the proper way ? plam to inner elbow or the bufty way across the wrist. I thought I would have to get botled or glassed or something like slashing my tongue..... But a wee cut on wrst never hurt anyone. Ask Martyn about how mental the Devil can be... Av had knifes thrown at me it just missed my head and stuck in the wall. I pulled it from the wall and handed it back for him to do again....... He missed again.....

    I will have to look at Martyn's wrist the next time I see him....

    Sounds like fun though. If I ever do show up in Ankara youwill be on my to do list !

  8. Bloody hell Sir Eski Kanka, are you sure we want this Devil bloke in Ankara. At the same time though, sounds like a good fellow to have on our side in a fight.

  9. Headbutting Dwarfs eh....
    Aye, he's mental. too many stories. Grew up wi the Devil. Here's a copy of his story of a night out in Leith Eski Kanka. I was there and it's true. I was always trying to stop him fighting people. Didn't always manage.

    The Devil In Leith
    Done a few things in my time, but everyine reckons this is the worst. Personally I think I have done far worse, but we will talk bout that later.

    Anyway story goes something like this.
    Twas Fraser's birthday we were at his bro's flat in Edinburger, it was boring and we tried to liven things up by drinking his bro's mates alcohol. This didnt have the desired effect and they just quietly moaned to Fraser about it. So we decided to go and get our own drink.

    We loaded ourselfs back into the Paddymobile and headed off. I decided it would be better just to go to a pub and drink there (as I was bored and didnt want to go back to fraser's. BDay or not he was certainly a boring bastard and noone cared how much his bro looked like the guy of the John Smiths beer adverts which he didnt but thats a whole other story). So after selling to the guys the plan was now go to the pub drink load then meet back up with Fraser in a club later.

    So we parked the Paddymobile and headed into a dirty Leith pub.

    On enter this fine establishment we approached the bar to be greeted by the finest old munter of a barmaid, just as we expected nae talent just drinking. I was first to order my drink "Double Vodka n coke" then Martyn "Triple Vodka n coke" thats when it all started to go wrong or right you decide....

    I was not going to be outdrunk tonight "Quadriple vodka n coke" I shouted to the barmaid as she was about to pour my drink. "oh shit" Wullie muttered in the background. Ahh yes I thought as we made our way to the seats in the back of the pub, its going to be a good night.

    The stories that night were flowing about as well as the drinks. After a good laugh it was time for another drink so back up to the bar I went "another quadriple vodka n coke" the barmaid was instructed. I then noticed to my right, perched upon a bar stool a small nugget of a man. Yes this is the a dwarf I thought, not unlike the ones I had seen on tv comedy wrestling. I politely introduced myself to the small man and began talking to him. he held quite a good conversation and we had a few laughs. I asked him if he wanted to join us but he declined. I went back to our table and explained to the others that this dwarf dude was awright.

    When we decided to leave, I was saying my goodbyes to the dwarf dude , when suddenly it hit me (no not the dwarf) would it not be fun to take this verticly challenged nugget of a man out with us. We could call it a late BDay pressy for Fraser. We could make him do things like chat up woman, stand on bars and demand to be served n stuff. So now I was pished that was my main objective for the night over I needed a new one, and YES it was meant for the dwarf dude to come with us. It would just be like comedy wrestling I had seen so many times in the past on tv.

    So this dwarf didnt half take some amount of persuasion. He really didnt want to come with us but I was trying everthing. I was no good, I cut my loses and decided to the this poor dwarf along but not before telling him he was a good man.

    Just to explain what this acually means. When we tell you "You are a good man" this involves shaking hands then while you still have a hold of the good mans hand you would repeatedly beat it against your chest and vice versa. A well known Kirkcaldy Boys Greeting.

    At this point I'm a little hazy. I think the dwarf thought I was going to eat him or something so he stood up on his barstool so he was the same height as me now. I think I told him he didnt have a choice and he was coming with us. I was joking...honest!!! I then tried to pick him up and put him under my arm, as you have already guessed he didnt like this idea and stuck the heed on me. Right betwwen my eyes.

    Wee Bastard. As usual I saw red and didnt even think bout it Crraaaacckkk Stuck the heed back on him. I think he saw stars and I remember trying to steady him on the barstool as he sat back down. Fuck him I thought wee cunt and let out a loud laugh.

    Then we left.....

    More stuff happened that night but once again, thats another story.

    Kirkcaldy-kanka -I don't agree with this behaviour.

  10. Please warn me if Devil ever comes to Ankara.