Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Flamin' galahs

The day after posting something in a drunken state is always interesting. But looking back at yesterday's post I reckon I didn't get too much wrong. There was nationalism and alcohol pumping through my veins at the time and perhaps I was slightly harsh on the Aussies (and the ref).

I also read a report today that the Japanese should have been given a penalty. I can't remember seeing that at all. But its in the papers and therefore must be true.

Of course the best reports to read are the Guardian's minute-by-minute reports. There is nothing better than the World Cup to bring out the best in national stereotypes and the English journalists have been saving up 32 years worth of jokes waiting for Australia to qualify again.

To set the mood for the match the Guardian gave us some interesting facts on the place I call home:

"The longest fence in the world is in Australia, and runs for over 5,530 kms. It's designed to keep dingos away from sheep, which is why they end up eating babies instead.

In London you are never further than 10 feet from a rat or an Australian.

There are 8,628,599 Australians currently living in London, all of them working in pubs and sleeping on the floor of the same house in Earl's Court.

The last recorded instance of an Australian bartender in London remembering an order consisting of more than two drinks and handing over the right change after serving it occurred on May 8, 1994 in the Walkabout pub in Shepherd’s Bush. There is a plaque on the wall in memory of this historical event.

Ray Meagher, who has played Alf Stewart in Home & Away since May 17, 1752, has called assorted fellow characters “flamin’ galahs” on 52,758 separate occasions.

Australia was the third country, after the US and Russia, to launch a satellite into orbit. Sadly it plummeted back down to earth, where Shane Warne dropped it."

All that out of the way and onto the commentary itself. A few excerpts:

"Like England, both teams today are managed by foreigners, except these ones actually have decent pedigree and know what they’re doing. Brazil legend Zico is Japan’s Mr Myiagi, while Dutch mastermind Guus Hiddink...

Mark Viduka will be confident of bagging a goal or two this afternoon. With whaling still outlawed, the Japanese are out of practice when it comes to taking out large blubbery mammals.

Anyway, it's tinny-time for the Sheilaroos now, and they'll be able to discuss their predicament over a half-time can of XXXX. There's only the kick of a ball in this game and they're far from beaten."

After getting a letter from a pissed off Japanese fan:

"Ah relax, Hiroki-san. I know they don't eat sushi at half-time, just as I know that Guus Hiddink didn't really fire up a BBQ over by the dugout. And of course these jokes aren't funny anymore - that's why they're here. My minute-by-minute reports are like Australia's A League - the place where old, once-great jokes go for one last bumper payday before they die."

And then the victory:

"John Aloisi wraps up the points for Australia, prompting 45,000 London barstaff go mental in the stands and in London bars. There won't be a pint poured in the English capital tonight.

Whisper it again - I think it could get worse round my place, when Australia beat Brazil. They may not have better players than England, but they've a much better team and aren't afraid to play the right way. Even if they do use koala bears as bicycle locks and generally behave like a bunch of big pink, feathered and girlie, shrimp-obsessed, hats-with-dangly-corks-wearing flamin ..."

God bless 'em.


  1. Congratulations to the Aussie on winning their first match which is the vital one.

    No worries for the 2nd match - another 3 points for the Kangaroos, but............ ZERO points for their 3rd match !!!

    Couldn't see the match 'cause I was on the road from Edinburgh to North Berwick, but thanks for the match report even though it was made through an alcoholic haze !

    I'm out tonight with friends but will try and watch MIGHTY CROATIA crush Brazil yesssssss !!!

    All the best from Eski Kanka Jim

  2. Anonymous1:43 am

    My dear and sweet Eski Kanka :-( I am so sad :-(

    We lost :-(

    Your sad blondie Zagreb Kankie

  3. Anonymous1:45 am

    Thank you for your support my dear Eski!

    Hugs from sad Zagreb Kankie

  4. Well of course the English papers dust off their convict jokes etc.....makes them feel superior despite being pummelled at all other sports...Ashes notwithstanding

  5. The Ingallish have never realised that he who laughs last laughs longest !!!

    C'mon Trinidad !!!

    All the best from Biased Eski Kanka Jim